I get dozens of app pitches every day, so I was reluctant to spend my free time watching Planet of the Apps, Apple's first original TV show. It pitches itself as "the search for the next great idea," but is basically Shark Tank for apps, with a few components of The Voice throw in for good measure.
The first episode debuted last week, and you can watch it online for free; after that, you'll need an Apple Music subscription.
In every episode, entrepreneurs have 60 seconds to pitch their apps to four celebrity advisors: actress and Honest Company founder Jessica Alba; actress and Goop founder Gwyneth Paltrow; musician/entrepreneur/human hologram will.i.am; and entrepreneur Gary Vaynerchuk of Vayner Media.
To spice things up, these 60-second pitches are done while riding down an escalator, a twist on the old "elevator pitch" concept. Each advisor is equipped with an iPad, and if they like an idea, they swipe it to green; if not, they swipe red. Developers with four reds go home; those with at least one green continue their pitches (at which point those who swiped red can change their minds and vice versa). If any celebs are still on board by the end, developers select the advisor they wish to serve as mentor, a la The Voice.
Developers then spend six weeks honing their ideas before pitching it to VCs in hopes of nabbing some all-important startup cash—and featured placement in Apple's App Store, of course.
Prior to the escalator of doom, Planet of the Apps introduces viewers to contestants in the Apple Store-like developers' lounge. There's a heartbreaking montage of developers pitching half-baked ideas and receiving only a look of pity from Gwyneth Paltrow; no green swipes for you. The episode then focuses on three specific apps and the teams behind them. (Spoilers ahead for episode one.)
Andrew served in Air Force intelligence, but his app is only tangentially related to the military. Andrew's career means his family has had to move—and decorate new homes—many times, so his app Pair lets people use AR to see how furniture will look in their homes. It's something that companies like Ikea and Home Depot have explored, though Andrew insists it's a novel concept. Alba, who sees the possibilities in the fashion space, is selected as Andrew's advisor.
Next up are Peter, Bradley, and James, who have a dating app because the next great idea is more dating apps. They say Twist distinguishes itself from rivals by being an event-based app that lets users see guest lists of other single people once they have RSVP'd.
Alba immediately sees the problem of a woman showing up to an event and being mobbed by people who saw her on the RSVP list but are not her type. PB&J are silent.
"I think you need to consider more than you," Alba suggests before encouraging them to talk to more women. Will.i.am cites his sisters and a cousin Mimi who looks like Beyoncé as reasons why he cannot support this idea.
The trio might want to take a cue from Jake and Lexie, the founders of Companion, an app made for anyone who fears late-night walks home by themselves. Users share their locations with a trusted few and notify them if they are in danger—or arrive home safely. It's a great idea and all four advisors are interested, but Vaynerchuk is selected as the advisor.
The developers then have six weeks to incubate their idea in an accelerator before they make a VC pitch. Ugh, I hated writing that sentence.
On the Companion team, Vaynerchuk panics when Google launches Trusted Contacts and hammers the team, Gordon Ramsay-style. "We're gonna lose!" Vaynerchuk bleats.
You know what that means: PIVOT! Companion toys with the idea of a premium product that pairs people with Companion staffers who pay close attention to users' walks home rather than friends who might only be halfheartedly watching. It's still not smooth sailing, though.
"You have to figure out how to get $100,000 immediately," Vaynerchuk tells the duo, who are both college students. Isn't he supposed to help them with this? At one point, he swears on his children's lives. Jake and Lexie are then forced to try something that always works: cold emails.
Over with Andrew, we get a riveting recap of his business travel (traffic!) before he meets up with Alba, who seems to be the most competent advisor. She's caring but asks hard questions, which is evident when Andrew reveals that his entire income is based on his app. It's almost too hard to watch.
Alba feels the same way because she walks out of her office and asks her staff how they can use Pair technology at The Honest Company. Alba swiftly and efficiently refines the entire mission of his company and gets him to hone in on mapping. If I have a business idea, Alba is the first person I am calling.
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After six weeks, all the developers pitch Lightspeed, the first investor in Snapchat. Alba gives Andrew a pep talk before he asks for $4 million. And while he has the benefit of being able to list The Honest Company as a client, he's not the most charismatic pitchman and Lightspeed passes on investing.
Over to Vaynerchuk, who gives Jake and Lexie a tough love speech before they ask for $3 million. In the end, Vaynerchuk's scary style makes for the best pitch, and the team gets $1 million in funding.
I rooted for Jake and Lexie and was genuinely happy for them. But I found it tedious to watch the episode. Perhaps it's because of my profession; I have no interest in bringing the deleted app pitches from my inbox to life on the TV screen. I'm also not a fan of Shark Tank, but in general, watching 40 minutes of discussions about products that are best viewed on a smartphone screen is not exactly must-see TV.